falsehorizons

a fort and a new year

2012-01-02T01:06:00.000+13:00

happy new year!
i built a fort, had lovely company, fine food and wonderful times.
i hope you had the same too.
x

i've seen moss covered stumps in dying light

2011-12-31T00:23:00.000+13:00

taking on shapes

black wooden mythologies

i know a place

hovering silence from you is a giveaway

2011-12-22T15:47:00.000+13:00

squalor and smoke's not your style

"i don't like this place"

we better go

there’s some things that i should never

2011-12-21T10:53:00.000+13:00

laugh about in front of family

in a week we’ll be together

try to call you when i’m landed

i need my girl

nalin and eljay

2011-11-10T17:18:00.000+13:00

shot my first wedding for two friends of mine.
here's to nalin and eljay.
x

wild heart surrender to me

2011-11-09T23:44:00.000+13:00

what does it take to be like you?

golden haze hold out for days

haven't seen you haven't seen anyone

beautiful one

i wanna know what you are

everybody is happy

2011-10-18T22:35:00.000+13:00

they are glad that they came

then you go to the place where you've finally found

you can look at yourself, sleep the clock around

throw a string around a cloud

2011-10-16T17:35:00.000+13:00

my sister, we shall sail

through valleys, mountains, rivers

huddle safe and warm

leave your home

2011-10-13T01:48:00.000+13:00

change your name

live alone

eat your cake

the love cats

2011-10-12T00:18:00.000+13:00

tell the saint i'm gonna be a little late

2011-10-11T23:59:00.000+13:00

drawing lines around the river

for the rest of years

little moon

2011-10-11T23:27:00.000+13:00

the voices in your head

2011-10-02T20:22:00.000+13:00

tend to belong to your friends

and sometimes that's bad and sometimes it's good

it really all depends

fire burned and blew out flowers

2011-09-29T19:59:00.000+13:00

showing me its comely powers

still and all it would be hours

before i would get burned

and at once i knew i was not magnificent

2011-09-28T19:50:00.000+13:00

hulled far from the highway aisle

jagged, vacance, thick with ice

and i could see for miles, miles, miles

i believe

2011-09-27T19:42:00.000+13:00

that we're both guilty of the same two things

it's not a crime

but it's not a fault that comes undone easy

erupting light

2011-09-26T19:37:00.000+13:00

your eyes staring up into space

2011-09-25T19:37:00.000+13:00

looking at any place, but me

and i, i don't know why you make me cry

and i don't much care

m.i.a?

2011-09-16T09:04:00.002+12:00

look at some of the wonderful bands i have filmed lately.

i promise to update sometime soon with photos!

2011-09-02T20:05:00.002+12:00

it snowed in wellington a couple of weeks ago.
i made this little video.

meanwhile

2011-08-17T22:42:00.002+12:00

haven't posted in a while, so for the meantime here is a photo of one of my cats.

waking up to work in the morning

2011-07-23T11:08:00.001+12:00

oh it's cold outside

get a cover over

washing everything away

hours later, its the same

i said something

2011-07-17T11:25:00.000+12:00

that i didn't mean

i took something

that didn't belong to me

wet wings

2011-06-28T23:07:00.000+12:00

tiny ruins

2011-06-24T12:56:00.000+12:00

french for rabbits

city oh sigh

tiny ruins

central park

2011-06-22T14:08:00.000+12:00

i took an alternative route through central park on my way to the city.
i filmed and took photos of plants and other creatures that inhabit the natural world.

leaving out all sound

2011-06-20T13:40:00.000+12:00

feeling that tall now

you leave in the morning

2011-06-19T22:05:00.000+12:00

with everything you own in a little black case

alone on the platform

the wind and the rain

on a sad lonely face

lately

2011-06-18T22:33:00.000+12:00

family cactus

mother and son

drab doo riffs

tommy ill

ruby frost

pikachunes

bang! bang! eche!

mount pleasant

autumn splendor

coney island swamp monster

the sisters of st. rupertsberg

2011-05-29T14:21:00.000+12:00

lack of posts, of late.
busy, busy, busy! uni.
x

mother and son

2011-05-08T15:09:00.000+12:00

tried my hand at filming a band, mother and son (from melbourne), playing live at mighty mighty.
audio could do with work, but i am not exactly skilled in that area.
also on my youtube channel is a video of the drab doo-riffs who also played on the same night.

escape songs

2011-04-30T20:26:00.000+12:00

little visitor

2011-04-23T16:47:00.000+12:00

the little cat that lives at my flat.
she is 23 years old. mildly senile.

a cross country miss

2011-04-23T00:14:00.000+12:00

take direction, can’t connect it

i’m afraid this is

ten detected, nine in a wreck and

a little jetty fight

pattern evolving, motion insolvent

something about this might

take all evening

i’ll just be cleaning

this is a foreground

ever keep me

2011-04-15T21:45:00.000+12:00

i don't have a hawk in my heart

procession moves on, the shouting is over

2011-04-15T10:39:00.000+12:00

praise to the glory of loved ones now gone

talking aloud as they sit round their table

scattering flowers washed down by the rain

the body sways

2011-04-15T01:27:00.000+12:00

like the wind on a swing

a bridge through a hoop

or a lake through a ring

wind return

2011-04-13T20:19:00.000+12:00

three. unrelated.

we've all time to sleep

2011-04-13T20:16:00.000+12:00

strawberry skies

2011-04-07T15:41:00.000+12:00

beijing photo backlog

take me out tonight

2011-04-07T15:11:00.000+12:00

because i want to see people

and i want to see life

there is a man i know

2011-04-05T20:10:00.000+12:00

for seventeen years he never spoke

the cold heart will burst

2011-03-31T17:25:00.000+13:00

if mistrusted first

and a calm heart will break

when given a shake

and if you won't let me run with it

2011-03-25T19:05:00.000+13:00

we're on to your same old trick

get up and run away with it

this city

2011-03-25T13:41:00.000+13:00

backlog from december/january/february.
this is auckland.
can't make my mind up about that city.

take a walk in the park, take a valium pill

2011-03-24T23:39:00.000+13:00

read the letter you got from the memory girl

but it takes more than this to make sense of the day

yeah, it takes more than milk to get rid of the taste

my moon

2011-03-24T22:50:00.000+13:00

the moon my man.

watched the moon-rise tonight.
x

beautiful, a bit temperamental

2011-03-24T18:57:00.000+13:00

beautiful, only slightly mental

beautiful

past the point where i can make a sound

2011-03-16T14:11:00.000+13:00

i don't need to hold you down

in that day there's a moment when it all goes your way

2011-03-15T22:11:00.000+13:00

and you know it's a lion's heart

that will tumble and tear apart

when he's coming down the hills for you

cake

2011-03-15T22:02:00.000+13:00

as a somewhat in-joke, this is a vegan cake.
no meat whatsoever.
isobel is great.
happy birthday mark.

have you ever seen the far side of a mountain

2011-03-08T20:41:00.000+13:00

swallow the sky

as you travel through the valley

as you're speedin' still far behind

bleachin' your teeth, smiling flash

2011-03-08T20:30:00.000+13:00

talking trash, under your breath

bleachin' your teeth, smiling flash

talking trash, under my window

meanwhile

2011-03-06T18:26:00.000+13:00

here is a photo of die! die! die!

haven't posted in a while.

here is an update:

- i moved into a new flat

- uni started

- i worked for vuwsa taking o-week photos

- other things

rolls of film to be developed. will keep you posted.

water water on the seeds

2011-02-24T17:15:00.000+13:00

to my left they rose and leaf

to my right cross seven seas

fingers walk the darkness down

2011-02-24T17:02:00.000+13:00

mind is on the midnight

gather up the gold you've found

you fool, it's only moonlight

sometimes.

2011-02-23T01:18:00.000+13:00

sometimes i listen to the music my dad liked.
likes.
liked?

and it makes me sad. terribly sad.
but also it gives me comfort. warmth.

because i know he's there.
even though we can't see each other.

three men stood in the clearing

2011-02-22T18:45:00.000+13:00

staring at the wild white heron

some glasses of wine and a pen

what you take away you can't give back again

draw me still

schools in bulls

2011-02-19T16:20:00.000+13:00

drab doo riffs

glass vaults

seth frightening/cancer

my disco

disasteradio

glass vaults (again!)

siamese

lawrence arabia

spring break

caribou

actually, it was too hard to pick on a favourite.
so, this has turned into a mass post of bands i enjoyed.

few 'o my favourites

2011-02-18T18:09:00.000+13:00

parking lot experiments

kitsunegari

chelsea jade & james duncan

secret knives

dear time's waste

etiquette

megalex

lowtide

st. rupertsberg

sam hamilton

okay, so i am now making this post "part one" of my favourites from camp.
(favourite bands, that is. favourite photos can come in another post).
enjoy.

lil' joy

2011-02-18T11:37:00.002+13:00

my disco at campus a low hum

when you were young

2011-02-18T00:18:00.000+13:00

and your excitement showed

but as time goes by

does it outgrow

is that the way things go

forever reaching for the goal

campus a low hum

2011-02-15T17:38:00.001+13:00

spent the better half of a week in bulls.

where people party in a pool.

where people camp in a field under trees and stars.

where people invade stages and artists are hauled into the air.

thank you blink.

more photos to come.

the silence of ice at the borders of day

2011-02-09T21:09:00.000+13:00

sun in my face will not keep them away

sinking into the white of your room

sky through the curtain, good things coming soon

existence, well what does it matter

2011-02-09T14:55:00.000+13:00

i exist on the best terms i can

the past is now part of my future

the present is well out of hand

- beautiful souls of the not-so-privileged in paris.
(lyrics: heart and soul - joy division)

we were sleeping 'till

2011-02-07T11:26:00.000+13:00

you came along

with your tiny heart

you let us in the wooden house

to share in all the wealth

i was lucky enough to be able to photograph the st jerome's laneway festival.
both in auckland and wellington.
here are some photos from beach house's delightful set in wellington.

moon whisperer

2011-02-07T11:07:00.001+13:00

so many cats!
i must apologise.
expect variation coming soon.
x

i raise my hands to heaven of curiosity

2011-02-07T10:42:00.000+13:00

i don't know what to ask for

what has it got for me?

2011-02-07T01:28:00.000+13:00

my beautiful family in the netherlands before christmas.

in the tower above the earth

2011-02-07T01:22:00.000+13:00

there is a view that reaches far

where we see the universe

those who roam

2011-02-07T01:13:00.000+13:00

i met all of these beautiful cats on a small, seaside village in italy.
i have rolls of film coming soon.
x

time was it began

2011-01-24T01:12:00.000+13:00

there is no plan

so i'll hold you in my hand

until you see

only you and...

here in the cup of my hands

2011-01-23T20:53:00.000+13:00

from between cracked fingers

old blood spills

i want to live and i want to love

2011-01-23T13:27:00.000+13:00

i want to catch something

that i might be ashamed of

they never owned it

2011-01-18T12:29:00.000+13:00

and you never owed it to them anyway

i don't blame you

a nightmare situation

2011-01-17T23:01:00.000+13:00

infiltrate imagination

smacks of past holy wars

by the wall with broken laws

there was no light

2011-01-10T10:12:00.000+13:00

only the white night

first born when the sun

screamed her eyes wide open

daylight in the fields

daylight mountains

when i die

2011-01-09T17:57:00.000+13:00

i'll hang my head besides the willow tree

when i'm dead

is when i'll be free

ps: this was terribly sad. all of those unloved soft-toy animals. just... hanging there.

my final days in company

2011-01-07T15:57:00.000+13:00

the devil now has come for me

and helicopters circling the scene

and i pray for rest

could you pray for us?

we know he loves you the best

early morning's

2010-12-25T23:45:00.000+13:00

greatest deed

what's forsaken

i do not need

there is water

there is snow

we are a solid army

2010-12-25T03:31:00.000+13:00

of overwhelming proportions

nothing can beat us

we might be able to destroy the sun

why fear death

2010-12-25T01:43:00.000+13:00

be scared of living

oh, hearts are small and ever thinning

wake from your sleep

2010-11-28T12:44:00.000+13:00

the drying of your tears

today we escape, we escape

ps: my flight was cancelled, so have 23 hours of waiting at auckland airport for the new flight.
x

my hero

2010-11-27T10:02:00.000+13:00

my beautiful mother, my hero. the most incredible woman in the earth.
she would hate knowing that i put her photo online.
we're off to beijing today. from there we then head off to europe.
will be back with copious numbers of photos.
x

if i had a diary, this is what it would read

2010-11-24T23:18:00.001+13:00

These are words I have never told.

The last text message from my Dad was sent to me on November 15th 2007, it read:

"Rach, have a fantastic time in thailand, have loads of fun, will talk to you when u get back and we have a surprise 4 you on your birthday, i love and miss u"

For three years I have read and re-read that message. Wishing that the surprise had only been the new iPod and speakers that were wrapped up, ready, waiting in my parents bedroom.

But it wasn't.

On November 8th 2007 my Dad left to go to South Africa as part of a business venture for the company he worked for, Chevron. At the time we were living in The Philippines.
I had insisted that we both have a breakfast together on the 31st floor of our apartment building - we were both incredibly busy, but we found the time. Suffice to say, it was one of the nicest times we had together.

Several days after Dad left for South Africa, I too, departed for another country; Thailand. After a roller-coaster of a week, I was glad to be arriving home to my family. Dad and I arrived home on the same day, 23rd November.
An evening was shared, exchanging gifts and plenty of stories.

The next day, 24th November, Mum, Dad and I spent the morning at Shangri-La EDSA. Over a typical Starbucks lunch we shared even more stories of our travels. At this point I was rich in the knowledge of the wonderful times my Dad had overseas. He was at one of the highest points in his life. Everything was fitting into place, he had accomplished so much in the last few years and his hard work was paying off.

That evening I left with my driver, Armando, to a friend's house to celebrate her 17th birthday. At midnight we would all begin to celebrate my very own 17th.

My celebrations were cut short when I received a text message from my sister, abruptly telling me to "come home now". After replying with a "what on earth for?" I received something that twisted my stomach in a way it had never been twisted before; "it's dad... something bad... just come home now please rachel". At this point, I had no idea what was happening, calling Zoe made it worse because she was crying so much she couldn't even tell me what was going on.

I left the party, bewildering my friends, nobody knew how serious it was. Not even me.

I knew it was bad when I walked into the lobby of my building, the hotel staff were staring at me and offered to accompany me up the lift. I knew it was even worse when I opened the door of my apartment and my parents' friend was with my sisters telling us we had to rush to the hospital that very minute.

I remember very little from the hospital. Mum was sitting on a seat and run to us when she saw us arrive. She whispered, "he's gone".

I fell to the ground and screamed. Screamed like I had never before.

It seems cliche to say, but my life stopped right then and there. I can't remember who calmed me. Somehow they managed.

My Dad had been taken so quickly from us by what they term acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis.

It came on suddenly and ended so very swiftly.

Needless to say, I had possibly the worst birthday I could have ever asked for.
There was a blank space in my birthday card where he was to sign his birthday wishes to me.

So many people were milling around our apartment, they had good intentions and I would have never made it through the week if not for the support of the many great friends I had.

The first month was particularly hard. For the first week I had only a few hours sleep. We had to deal with two funerals, one in Manlia, the other in Wellington.
We were then plagued with the news that we would have to move back to New Zealand. We had, however, predicted this news.

Moving countries and adjusting to a new four-person family life was particularly hard.

I began to give up explaining to people why I was back in the country after only two years of being gone. Eventually I began meeting new people. People who didn't know of my past. It was easy not to mention, only to those people with whom I grew closer with.

It wasn't that I wanted to keep people in the dark, I just find that people become overly cautious when speaking to you.

Three years on and I still sometimes find it hard to cope. The days do become few and far between, as time begins to heal the gaping wound within me. Significant events are the toughest; graduations, getting a job, even receiving an A for an assignment. I think of events that are yet to happen, ones that a father shouldn't miss out on. These thoughts always leave me contemplating 'what if'. What if this hadn't happened? Where would we be now? Thoughts like these are not constructive. I try to place them as far back in my mind as possible.

These events made me the person I am today. Often I wish it didn't mean taking the kindest soul out of my life at such a young age. I was only allowed to spend seventeen years with my Dad.
They were, however, some of the best seventeen years of my life.

I am turning twenty tomorrow.

I am thinking of you, Dad.

I know you are thinking of me too. Somewhere.

I miss you. I love you.
So much.
This is for "best dad in the world".

about face

2010-11-24T22:43:00.001+13:00

makes me wonder

and in this case

there is no thunder

as a side-note: i am unsure of who the wonderful people are in the photos, well, more like who was 'supposed' to be in them. i'm not even sure of where they were taken. but it remains that under all of the darkness there are some pretty faces of people i love

do you know her?

2010-11-24T22:37:00.002+13:00

she is lovely

set fire the foundation

2010-11-24T10:53:00.000+13:00

and burn out the station

you'll never get nothing of mine

the pane of my window

will flicker and billow

i won't leave a stitching behind

immortalists points to prove

2010-11-19T10:22:00.000+13:00

i put my trust in you

today you were far away

2010-11-15T23:04:00.000+13:00

and i didn't ask you why

what could i say

i was far away

you just walked away

and i just watched you

what could i say

how close am i to losing you

the lights shined like a neon show

2010-11-12T00:00:00.000+13:00

inserted deep felt a warmer glow

no place to stop, no place to go

no time to lose, had to keep on going

i guess they died some time ago

i'll take the mystery

2010-11-10T08:44:00.000+13:00

and i'll take the beating

i'll take the flashback

and i'll pull the trigger

sit down dear we gotta talk

2010-11-08T10:35:00.000+13:00

you're acting like a kid

we don't wanna hear about

the things you never did

with the burning leaves of autumn

2010-11-07T19:55:00.000+13:00

if only for one last chance